The Gillette Shave Club

or, More Shaving Insanity

Insanity, because Gillette would have us believe that $4.50 a month to shave one's face 3 - 4 (their number as flashed light-speed in fine print in their commercials) times a week is a bargain, especially in comparison to other shave clubs.

Insanity because they would have us believe that subscribing to razor blades like one subscribes to magazines is logical, economical and convenient.

Wow.  A pack of blades is such a burden to lug home from Walmart.

A look at the numbers reveals all, o Gentle Reader.  So does nearly 60 years of personal shaving experience.  One can subscribe to Gillette's shave club for $4.50 or so per month, one can buy blades as needed when shopping and pay at least that much per blade, or one can find an alternative.

My alternative is to spend the $12 or so to buy an ordinary retro double edged razor from on-line vendors like Amazon.  It will come with 10 blades.  Each blade, in my personal experience, provides very close and comfortable shaves for an entire month, assuming Gillette's 3 - 4 shaves per week.  If one were to buy a new razor and its blades when one runs out in ten months, one would have spent an average of $1.20 per month for those shaves.  A quarter of the Gillette Shave Club's advertised price.

But wait!  Yes, you savvy shoppers reading this will say there is no need to buy another razor, only blades.  And you are correct.  Thirty seconds of on-line shopping for 'double edge razor blades' will reveal that one can get 100 stainless blades for less than $10.  A math genius will immediately see that 100 blades equals 100 months (8 years) of great shaves, all for less than $10 total.  Or, put another way, $0.10 per month.  

Any home economics student in public school will quickly conclude that spending $0.10 per month on personal  grooming is smarter than spending $4.50 per month for that same grooming.

Your Ostrich Killer is walking this talk.  He laughs out loud each time that Gillette Shave Club commercial runs on TV.  Ladies, that same razor worked fine for generations of females too.  So do a comparison someday.  Get one of those double edge razors and give it a try.  It worked for your mother and her mother, right?

It's early yet, and I've had no coffee.  Out here.

The Imitation Game: A Review (And Pan)

BAIT AND SWITCH, HOLLYWOOD STYLE

Okay, okay.  The Ostrich Killer is no movie critic, and yes I should stop doing movie reviews.  I get it, believe me.  

But this movie really, really got to me.  I'm furious over the $8.50 I had to spend to see it, but at least I had sense enough to not buy popcorn or anything else.  Thank goodness I'm such a tightwad!

Rarely does a movie come along these days that promises to be actually interesting and have a significant story to tell.  So when I saw that this particular movie was up for a number of academy awards and was to portray Britain's struggle to break the Enigma code, I was hooked.  Hey, this might actually be good!  

But I forgot:  Nothing out of Hollywood is actually good.  The vast majority of it is swill with agendas buried in the stories like Trojan viruses embedded in computer code.

Hollywood didn't bother to hide the code in this movie; no, instead they waited until more than halfway through it to reveal it to the viewing audience, a bunch of frogs in a slowly heating pot of water.

The story became one of homosexual persecution in wartime and early post-war Britain, and how it led to Alan Turing's suicide.  It also mentioned how important his work had been.

This despite almost three years ago, serious doubt was raised that he had actually committed suicide.  Doubt aside and apparently irrelevant, the movie unequivocally says he did.  Clearly, they speak from better knowledge than forensic investigators.

I wouldn't have paid good money to go see a movie that tells the story of homosexual persecution in Britain.  Would you?  No?  Well, they knew that.  So they put together a compelling history and used that as the vehicle to tell it to you anyway.  After all, it's a story you need to know, right?

To be fair, a close reading of reviews would have shown that this story was likely to contain some homosexual content.  So that's on me; normally I would have read those reviews.  But this story - the breaking of Enigma - about homosexual persecution???  Only Hollywood.  It's getting to the point where it's hard to find a movie that does NOT contain homosexual content.

Wonderful.  Terrific family stuff.

Does anything coming out of Hollywood bear watching these days?  I thought maybe Interstellar might be fun.  But no.  Hollywood had to re-invent physics to tell the story.  Ugh.  Where are the Moby Dicks of today?  The Ben Hurs?  Robert Redford did us all a favor with All is Lost, but don't hold your breath waiting for any other Hollywood screenwriters to try this sort of thing.  

I look forward to In the Heart of the Sea, which advertises that it is a true story.  I've read the book.  Herman Melville was inspired by this story to write Moby Dick.  It is grisly beyond compare, and the book was just an accounting of events.  I wonder if Hollywood will content itself with telling this compelling tale in the same manner?

I seriously doubt it.  But we shall see.  But you can be sure your Ostrich Killer will read the reviews first.  I'm tired of being baited and switched, and do not aspire to being frog-boiled again.

It's too late for coffee.  There's a cold beer left on the front porch.  I think I'll go rescue it.

The Interview: A Movie Review

Thank You, North Korea!

Unswerving in their determination to release The Interview, Sony Pictures decided in the interest of public safety to only release it through Netflix.

This was because North Korea threatened to blow up theaters full of people who paid good money to watch the movie.

North Korea did us all a favor.  Theaters full of people would have been messy, what with their puking and throwing stuff at the screen.  Blowing them up might have been merciful.  This is an awful picture.

Yes, your Ostrich Killer, ever curious and open-minded, watched this terrible and very badly put together send-up via the Netflix release.  Seldom, if ever, have I seen anything this junior-high level amateurish, this badly scripted and worse acted, this offensive and yes, even trite put up on a movie screen.  It looks like SNL might have mistakenly aired an unrehearsed spoof that didn't work.

I can't even properly describe how terrible this film is.  North Korea did the world a favor by keeping it out of theaters.  Clearly, they are better film critics than those getting paid by Sony Pictures.  Sony needs to tattoo a large red "TI" into the foreheads of the entire crew that proposed this picture in the first place, as well as their enabling conspirators, and then fire them, damning them to an eternity of wandering the back alleys of Hollywood looking for work but doomed to not finding any by the mark of the "TI"(for The Interview) in their foreheads.

So please join me in giving North Korea a big "Thank You" and a smiling thumbs-up.  Say "Amen."

There you go.  Now for another cup of coffee.

The Most Influential Democrat

Yes, it's You-Know-Who

It's amazing to the thinking person, and soooo perfectly indicative of the intellectual vacuum between the ears of the democratic voters, that this man is the most powerful and influential living democrat.

Let's examine his credentials for this lofty position atop the democratic influence pile:
1.  A boff record that includes a large number of prominent / notorious females, many of whom were of legal age and willing.
2.  The first ever 'bimbo eruption' team in any presidential campaign, tasked with identifying, tracking down and silencing the above females.  At least three of these females slipped through the cracks, coming forward and accusing him of flashing, groping and rape.
3.  Redefined the meaning of the word 'sex,' as in "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." Meaning that he got off with her in a way other than one that might knock her up.  Junior high and high school youngsters hearing this quickly concluded that they could also use his line . . . 'Go ahead.  It's not really sex, after all.'  A wonderful legacy for the youth.
4.  The first ever president to lie to a federal grand jury.
5.  The first president to be impeached for lying to a federal grand jury.  Andrew Johnson, in 1868, was impeached for firing his secretary of war.  These two are the only two presidents to be impeached.  Only one of them is a liar.
6.  The first ever president to be disbarred.
7.  The first ever president to be admired by democrats / liberals / media sycophants for his artfully parsed lies and dodges, such as "that depends on what the meaning of 'is' is" and (paraphrased) "oral sex is not sex."
8.  The first ever president to be a person of interest in an 'influence for play' pedophilia investigation. 
9.  The first president to refuse to release his medical records.

Yes, it's no wonder that he probably commands the highest speaking fees in the world.  The question is, is this due to the 'freak show' factor, or because people actually think this proven and convicted and disbarred liar and perjurer is an honorable and trustworthy presenter of information, one suitable for emulation and whose advice is of great value?

My father once told me that I can do anything so long as it is legal, ethical, and moral.  Apparently Bill Clinton did not get that advice.

It's no wonder that he is a shining icon for the political left and other non-thinkers who live in a hard moral / ethical vacuum.  The only thing he did wrong, to their way of thinking, is get caught.

MULTIPLE RANTS TODAY

SO LET'S GET STARTED

Your Ostrich Killer has too much on his mind today to limit this blog entry to just one topic, so brace yourself.

Topic 1: SHAVING INSANITY

Despite forty or so years of trying, I have never had a good comfortable shave from a steady stream of electric razors.  So some months back your Ostrich Killer, who happens to be a guy, bought a new non-electric razor.  This particular razor was of a major brand and used disposable cartridges that have multiple blades.  Over time, as you would expect, I used up all the blades that came with the razor.  Now, I don't particularly like these multiple-bladed cartridges; they prolong shaving time at least double because every couple strokes I have to clear the gaps between the blades of skin, whiskers, and shaving soap.  This uses more than double the hot water that, say, an old-fashioned double edged razor would use, because clearing the goop out of the cartridges requires blasting them with high pressure water.  Very wasteful and un-green, to say the least.

I could go on about the gripes here, but let's skip that and instead go with me to the store to get a resupply of those cartridges.  Surprise!  Not only did the store no longer carry the replacement cartridges, they also no longer carried the razor.  So I looked for alternatives.  Lo and behold, there was a whole acre of another brand's offerings to select from.  This brand, which advertises often on television and which also has an entire football stadium named after them, would be happy to sell me shaving stuff.  I could buy a new razor and blades.  For the low low price of only $32 for 8 blades (that is not a typo) and a few more bucks for a razor to use them in, I could be on my way to multiple-blade nirvana.

Or so the commercials would lead one to believe.

Being an old fart, I remembered how I began shaving.  No, it was not with freshly broken flint, nor sharpened clamshells.  It was with a so-called 'safety razor' which was named so, I suspect, to assuage the worries of beginners.  These razors use one single blade with two cutting edges.  A beginner couldn't be blamed for worrying that those razor sharp edges would slice them up. 

Yes, that's right.  This is the razor your grandfather and probably your grandmother used.  So I looked around in the store: none.  I decided to get one, so I conducted a hunt.  Turns out I had to send to China (via the Amazon) to get one.  It came quickly, a stainless steel razor complete with a hard-shell carrying case with mirror and ten stainless steel blades, half of which were made in Viet Nam and half of which I think are Chinese, although I can't read the hieroglyphics well enough to be certain.  It cost $12.  I bought a can of Barbasol, which the store still sold, because I used it over forty years ago and liked it then.

With trepidation I installed one of those blades in the razor and shaved, half expecting to nick myself a few times.  After all, those blades are SHARP! But no nicks.  Instead, what I got was the best shave I've had in over forty years in half the time.  The razor rinsed clean instantly.  A hundred (again, NOT a typo) Wilkinson Sword replacement blades costs (via the Amazon again) $19.  For that same $19 I could have bought up to 5 of those other manufacturer's multiple-blade cartridges.  A hundred blades would shave me for two years, even if I shaved every day, which I don't.  And neither do you.  Admit it.

The title of this topic is Shaving Insanity.  The insanity is paying today's IDIOTIC prices for a shaving system that doesn't do the job as well as the much less expensive, 'legacy' (or Classic, if you prefer) system that your Ostrich Killer, your father, and his grandfather used.

Think about what a single shave costs using ANY of today's high-tech systems.  Compare that to what a better shave, taking less time and using far less hot water, costs using a double-edged 'legacy' system.  I did.  Then I switched.

Allow me this disclaimer:  I do not own stock or have any other financial interest in the vendors I mentioned above.  I'm just a consumer, as you are, and passing along a tip.  Take it for what it's worth.

UPDATE: 5 SHAVES LATER
Five shaves later and the blade is still clean and sharp and shaving like the first time.  It should last several shaves more, easily.  So let's do the math.  Let's assume it lasts for a total of 8 shaves.

Shopping online reveals that bought in quantities of 100, one can get these blades or their equivalent for $11.  Long division not being my long suit, nonetheless this isn't hard.  That works out to $0.11 per blade.  If the blade typically is good for 8 shaves, that's less than $0.02 per shave.  Yes, two cents.  If those 8 for $32 blades that are sold today are also good for 8 shaves, doing long division tells us that each shave costs $0.50.  Fifty cents.

You're welcome.  See?  Reading this blog can save you money!  

Topic 2: SUPERBOWL 49 AND THE FALLOUT

In the 2012 NFC divisional round playoffs, the Seahawks were playing the Atlanta Falcons for the opportunity to advance to the NFC championship game.  In the second quarter the Seahawks, trailing at the time, were on the Atlanta 11-yard line.  It was 4th down, one yard to go for a first down.  What would you have done?

Yeah, me too.  I would have kicked the 'gimme' field goal.  Take the 3 points.  Instead, the Seahawks went for it.  They lost a yard.  The Falcons took over the ball on downs.  When the game was over, the Seahawks lost by two points: the final score Atlanta 30, Seattle 28.  That field goal they decided not to take would have given them 3 points.  Everything else being approximately equal, the Seahawks would have won the game and advanced.

Okay.  So one bad play call.  Happens.

Fast forward to Superbowl 49.  You know the play - 2nd down, goal to go from the half-yard line.  Clock stopped with more than 20 seconds to play.  Marshawn has over a hundred yards rushing so far in the game, the Patriot defense is gassed, the Seahawks have the best rushing offense in the NFL, the Patriots the worst defense against the rush in the NFL.  What does Seattle do?

Yep.  You're right.  They pass the ball across the middle.  And you know how that turned out.

Common denominator between the 2012 Divisional playoff game and Superbowl 49's debacle:  staggeringly suspect play calling on a crucial play.  Instead of doing the obvious and something that had a high probability of adding to the score AND minimizing risks, the choices were the opposite.  

Darrell Bevell was the Seahawk's offensive coordinator for both games.  It's his job to make offensive play calls.  Presumably, he did.  And in both these clutch situations, he chose 'cute' instead of 'logical.'

Your Ostrich Killer has written in previous blogs about the cost of attempting 'statement' plays.  These were both statement plays, and statement plays generally do not work out.  They didn't in these two cases.

Everywhere you turn you hear the question "Why not Marshawn?"  Why not give the ball to Marshawn Lynch from the half yard line on second down, against the weakest run defense in the NFL?

I don't know.  It's a complete mystery to me and most others.  Pete Carroll will fall on his sword over the play choice out of loyalty to his offensive coordinator.  He will defend it all day long.  I think he needs to think about his loyalties and possibly adjust them.

The players almost to a man wonder "Why not Marshawn?"  At some point that question is going to fester into an ugly mess and have to be dealt with.  Before that happens, before the players' already eroded faith in their leadership's decision making ability is shaken irreparably, something unequivocal has to take place.

Pete Carroll, bless him, is faithful and supportive to a fault.  But he MUST decide to whom he owes his ultimate support: the questionable play calling coach, or to the 12s.  Because in the end, his support and faith in the questionable play cost the 12s another superbowl championship team.  He HAS to have had deep reservations about the play.  

If I had been drafted to make that play call, it would have been a play action play of some sort, involving Lynch and Wilson, the two best rushers on the team.  I would have done that three times, if necessary.  It was 2nd down, after all, and the Seahawks had a timeout remaining.

Pete Carroll is going to have to deal with the unavoidable loss of confidence that play call has generated, and will continue to generate, especially in the locker room and when thought of in the light of the Atlanta game in the 2012 season's playoffs.

Maybe it's time for a new offensive coordinator, if for no other reason than to show solidarity with the fans, who know perfectly well that the called play was probably the worst possible type of play to call, other than a punt.  And it worked out that way.

Topic 3: MANAGING THE NFL

Here you go, Roger Goodell.  You're the commish.  You run the NFL.  Tough job.  Your Keystone Kops approach to management is proof of this.  However, it could be easier.  Here's how:

1.  Manage organizations, not individuals.  That means you discipline teams, not people.  You investigate teams, not people.  If people / players offend, you punish the team.  Let the team punish the people.

2.  That said, establish minimum behavior standards for people.  If people violate those standards, punish the teams.  If people commit such grievous offenses that they tarnish the NFL image, 'discharge' the offender AND punish the team.

How would that approach apply to, say, deflate gate?  Easy.

1.  The ball(s) were delivered into the Patriot's responsibility after having been tested and certified to meet standards.

2.  The balls failed those standards after being the Patriot's responsibility.

  -- Ergo, the Patriots are responsible for the condition of the balls.  Punish the Patriots.  If the Patriots are interested in finding out who actually 'adjusted' the balls and why, let the Patriots do the investigating.  But as far as the NFL is concerned, this issue is dealt with and closed.

You're welcome, Roger.  LMK when the check is in the mail for my services.

Marshawn, Belichick, and the NFL Soap Opera

Put ME in Charge!

Marshawn, we all love how you run.  But we deplore your hypocrisy.  You have a charity to benefit the youth of the neighborhood you came from.  But what message are you sending them when:

1.  You ignore what you promised to do when you signed your contract with the NFL (you promised to make yourself available to the media but you do not);

2.  You arrogantly walk into the end zone knowing perfectly well that is taunting and should have, in the playoffs, cost your team a touchdown and fifteen yards;

3.  You grab your crotch when you score, even though you've been fined for that before.

This behavior is telling those youth you claim you care about that the rules don't apply to you, that your word (your signature) means nothing because you're talented and bad and whatever.  Is that really what you want them to take away from your success? That the rich and talented don't have to live by the rules?  That rules and agreements can be broken if you think it's cool to do so?  

If I were the NFL I would sit you for the second half of the Superbowl game as a penalty.  But more on the ineptitude of the NFL later.

Underinflated balls?  Really?  And this AFTER spy gate?  Those balls were provided by the Patriot organization.  Penalize the organization in some meaningful, painful way.  Not just a fine.  The quarterback, at least, knew they were underinflated because he handled them every snap.  For his failure to report the problem, suspend him the next game (the superbowl) with loss of both game pay and superbowl bonus.  Each receiver knew, if they caught balls, that the balls were underinflated.  They elected not to report it.  Bench them for the next game.  Ditto the running backs.

However, money talks.  The superbowl is BIG money for the NFL, so what they will do is invent some harsh-sounding but essentially meaningless and non-crippling punishment.  The superbowl will not be impacted.

So put your Ostrich Killer in charge of NFL discipline.  Here's what I would do:

1.  Develop, implement, and enforce a standard penalty system for infractions.  No more making it all up as we go along, as the NFL seems to be doing.  For example, intentionally breach your contract (like Marshawn does) and suffer an automatic one game suspension - the next game - along with the loss of that game's pay.  Next infraction the penalties double, and include your coaches.  Each subsequent infraction penalty doubles the previous one.

2.  Any felony investigation seats that player with pay until either a verdict is returned or charges are not pressed.

3.  Get rid of 'special' offense penalties - examples include domestic violence, DUI, etc - and let the legal system handle them.  See the next rule for more on this.

4.  Have a clause in all contracts with players and anyone else working for the NFL that "conduct unbecoming to you, your team, or the NFL" is grounds for firing.  A board made up of ex-military officers (who are very familiar with the 'conduct unbecoming' meaning) would preside over any appeals.  This particular clause is about NFL image, and if I'm commissioner of the NFL I want that to shine.  Children are watching, after all, and are easily impressed.  What will they learn?  That everyone has to follow rules and obey laws, or that talent and revenue stream trumps all?

Are you as tired of the NFL soap opera and amateurish handling of misconduct as your Ostrich Killer is?  Then send Roger Goodell a link to this blog post.

It's too late for coffee.  I think I saw a beer in the refrigerator . . .

The Ferguson Experiment

Who Will Show Up?

The authorities investigating the shooting of a black thug in Ferguson, Missouri are about to release their findings.  These authorities include federal snoops, federal race baiters from the DOJ, grand juries, and even the DA's office.

They have tried strenuously to find fault with the officer who shot that thug.  According to rumors, they have failed to uncover any violations or culpability, and their release of these findings is expected any day now.

Many expect there to be riots in the streets.  By whom?

Not by anyone who cares about the rule of law, that's certain.  No, if there are riots, they will be by the following types of people:
1.  Kool-aid drinking followers of the professional race baiters (the Sharptons, Farrakhans, and Jacksons, for example.  Oh, and let's not forget the Race Baiter in Chief, Mr. Barack Hussein Obama who sent three DOJ officials to convey his condolences at the funeral of that thug.  It's easy to determine where his sympathies lie.)
2.  People looking for an excuse to steal from businesses.
3.  People looking for an excuse to get away with property destruction and personal violence.
4.  People angry that someone doesn't give them for free what someone else worked to earn.

What do the above types of people have in common, speaking statistically here - acknowledging there will be some exceptions?
1.  They would not be rioting if the thug had been white.
2.  The rule of law does not matter to them.  What matters is skin color and opportunities to loot.
3.  Aside from the professional race baiters, the crowd will be predominantly made up of the functionally illiterate, the unemployed, public school graduates and drop-outs, and - dare I say it? - black.

If the above predictions come about, and I hope they do not - then the black community at large will have to answer for their failure to find constructive ways to address the racism within their own ranks, and cure it.

Will they?  

THE RAY RICE / NFL DEBACLE CLARIFIED

Let's Look At This Logically

You knew your beloved Ostrich Killer would step up and figure this out for the rest of the world, didn't you?  Okay, you were right.  So for the folks who never read this blog, here is how things are:

First, we have Roger Goodell saying to the best of his knowledge, before Monday no one in the NFL Commissioner's office received or had seen the tape we've all seen now.

Next, we have a 'police official' saying that he sent the tape to the NFL Commissioner's office, and he plays a 12-second tape of a conversation that he says proves someone - a female - in the commissioner's office had watched it.

Here are the choices:
1.  Both are lying.  This is actually impossible, as a moment's thought will make obvious.  So let's reject this possibility.
2.  The 'police official' is lying.  If so, then the taped phone conversation is also a fake.  
3.  Roger Goodell is lying.
4.  Neither is lying.

Your Ostrich Killer is coming down on the side of saying that the truth lies behind door number 4 - neither is lying.

Why?  Goodell is an honorable person, based solely on his record.  One has to assume that a police official would also be honorable.  So if both are being truthful, what actually happened?

Someone in the NFL Commissioner's office short-stopped that video.  And my money is on the guess that this person is the source of the video that wound up in the hands of TMZ, probably for a high price.

Anyone who has ever worked in a large organization knows perfectly well that information does not always flow freely, due either to negligence or agenda-polishing - an agenda such as lining one's pockets, as is likely in this case.  

There you have it.  When this is all sorted out, here is what you will see:

1.  A person in the NFL Commissioner's office will be identified as the person who failed either purposely or negligently to forward that video to Roger Goodell.  That person will be fired.  Anyone else in the commissioner's office who knew of the video will be fired.  The head of that particular department in the commissioner's office will be fired.
2.  Roger Goodell, being honorable, will offer his resignation because a leader is responsible for all an organization's successes and failures.  It is not a sure thing that the owners will accept his resignation.  If he did not lie, where is his failure?
3.  TMZ will raise their advertising rates.

See?  Simple.  Three cups of coffee is a true clarifier.  You're welcome.

NFL LOWLIGHTS

STORIES IN THE NEWS AND QUESTIONS

1.  Michael Sam
The Dallas Cowboys picked him up and put him on their practice squad.  Why?  Yes, it is true that the Cowboys are bereft of talent.  But there are dozens or even hundreds of released players who could have been chosen for that same position.  Why Sam?  Unpleasant rumors abound that the NFL brought discreet pressure to bear for SOMEONE to pick him up.  If so, why?  Your Ostrich Killer has a possible answer - and it is one word: pandering.  Your Ostrich Killer has another question: what incentives were offered to the team that picked him up, if in fact the NFL did bring pressure to bear?  Your Ostrich Killer hopes these rumors are unfounded and that Sam made the squad on his merits, but it will take someone more credible than the NFL's disgraced commissioner or hired mouthpieces to convince me that the NFL is NOT engaging in player selection and social engineering, neither of which is appropriate.

2. Ray Rice
The NFL knew.  They were dragged kicking and screaming to doing the right thing after the rest of the world saw the video and left them no other choice.  Ditto the Ravens.  So now not only Rice, but his wife - his fiancee in the video, who forgave him and married him afterward - are being severely punished.  Part of your Ostrich Killer cynically thinks that she is being punished as severely as he is.  Isn't she?  The NFL has reached a low.

3. Ray McDonald
Felony domestic violence against his pregnant fiancee.  49ers say they will allow him to play until the legal system makes it impossible to play him.  The DA has not announced whether or not there will be charges.  Don't expect any announcement to come soon; this is a situation where it pays to drag the legal feet, if you're a 49er fan.  Not saying the DA is such a fan, but I'm saying this decision seems to be taking an inordinate amount of time, and one cannot help but wonder why.  How is McDonald different than Ray Rice?  McDonald has not been convicted in a court of law like Rice was.  Again, the NFL is SILENT and not smelling like a rose here.  And Hey Jim - show some character and don't play him.

4.  Drug Rules
This is easy, so I'll write it for the NFL:  Any federally illegal substance found during testing will result in immediate suspension for the next eight games, no matter how high or low the concentration.  Second offenses will result in automatic suspension for rest of the calendar year and the following full season including playoffs.  Other specified 'federally legal' substances (such as HGH) are also prohibited and violation penalties are the same as the illegal substance punishments.  Don't like this rule?  Then as a player, don't sign the collective bargaining agreement.  Go sell used cars in Washington state instead, the standards are lower there.

This sort of rule will help set an example worthy for children to emulate.  Note to NFL players:  watch who you hang out with.  Second-hand or 'spiked' anything will not be an excuse.

Really, NFL.  Remember that kids are watching.  Get the sport clean, keep it clean, set a shining example and boot the assholes out of it.

Third cup of coffee is ready now.  Out here.  You're welcome.

TOO MUCH GOOD STUFF LATELY, SO -

THIS JUST IN!

Guns and Crime:
  Story A:  Crime at all time low!
  Story B:  Gun Ownership way up!
   Hmmmm . . . .

Ferguson:
  Story A:  Another Common Variety Street Thug Dead!
  Story B:  Race Baiter in Chief sends 3 Representatives to the funeral!
  Story C:  Race Baiter in Chief sent 0 Representatives to Margaret Thatcher's funeral!
  Story D:  Race Baiter in Chief sent 0 Representatives to beheaded journalist's funeral!
   Hmmmm . . . .

Ukraine:
  Story A:  Obama Tells Putin:  Sending anything into Ukraine, including 'humanitarian aid', will be viewed by the US as an invasion!
  Story B:  Putin sends in stuff anyway!
    Hmmmmm . . . .

Islam:
  Story A:  Carter to Deliver Keynote Address at Muslim Convention in Detroit!
   Story B:  Hamas begs the Race Baiter in Chief to stop the 'holocaust' in Gaza!
    Hmmmm . . . .

Burger King:
  Story A:  Burger King considers moving to Canada to reduce corporate taxes!
  Story B:  Race Baiter in Chief calls Burger King and companies like them 'corporate deserters who renounce their citizenships to shield profits!'  (Ostrich Killer comment:  the purpose of any business is to profit.  Ask their shareholders.  Duh.)
  Story C:  Burger King would save 46% on its corporate taxes by moving to Canada!
  Story D:  (prediction:  Burger King stock soars after move to Canada.  Other fast food companies study Burger King model.)
    Hmmmm . . . .

The Reverend Jeremiah Wright:
  Story A:  The Race Baiter in Chief's pastor for more than 20 years, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright,  says "God Damn America!"
  Story B:  The Reverend Wright's Daughter convicted of embezzling 'my brother's keeper' taxpayer-provided money.  
     Hmmmm . . . .

Do you doubt any of the above?  Does some of it seem simply absurd?  Google it.  See for yourself.

Sometimes the news just begs for this sort of fun story comparisons.  Time for a beer.

PUSSIFICATION OF THE NFL

A Man's Sport In Decline

During a pre-season game a few days ago your Ostrich Killer observed with surprise that one of the officials had tucked a pony tail up beneath the official's hat.  His surprise increased when he discovered that the official was a female.  He immediately wondered what every other red-blooded male wondered: how many snaps has she taken under center?  How many runs up the middle has she made?  How many downfield blocks has she thrown?  How many times has she been sacked?

Then your Ostrich Killer wondered if part of the qualification criteria for any NFL official candidate includes a personal history of having played football for a few years in order to have a player's insights into the game.  I don't know the answer to that, but if officials are NOT required to have played football, then of course there's no reason - other than the mothering / nurturing instinct - a female could not be such an official.  A game being regulated by officials who've never played the game has obvious issues.

Which brings us to another topic: the Richard Sherman Nullification order coming out of the NFL head office.  That order is why you are seeing so many 'illegal contact' and 'holding' calls against pass defenders this pre-season.  Penalties per game are up dramatically since last year's preseason - about double - and more since a handful of years ago.  

I don't know about most NFL game viewers, but when your Ostrich Killer watches a game where yellow flags fall out of the sky like snowflakes he starts channel surfing.  If your Ostrich Killer isn't alone in his boredom / disgust, the NFL might notice viewership numbers that don't quite reach their targets.  And that would be a good thing.

One last thought: the NFL Richard Sherman Nullification order is a guaranteed first down getter for struggling offenses.  Here's how it goes in the huddle:  "Okay guys, we need a first down.  All you receivers go out, and when you get ten yards down the field juke and swerve sneakily so that the pass defender runs into you.  That'll draw an illegal contact flag against the defender, and we'll make five yards and an automatic first down.  On Three!"

Your Ostrich Killer officially predicts this unless the NFL modifies its order.  Watch and see.  And then start channel surfing, because football is dying and it will be too painful to watch it being de-testosteroned.

THREE IMPORTANT DEFINITIONS

Protester, Vandal, Looter

The situation in Ferguson and many others in prior history indicate that some clear distinctions are necessary concerning the above three categories of actions.  As usual, your clear-thinking and eloquent Ostrich Killer will say some things no one else is saying but everyone else is thinking, and in the process enlighten all those who never read this blog, and amuse those of you who do read this blog.  Enjoy.  LMK if you have thoughts on the matter.  So let's start.

PROTESTER: This sort of individual carries a sign and / or walks around chanting slogans.  He / she is usually accompanied by others doing similarly.  Disposition of these sorts of people:  Leave them alone to protest, so long as they don't interfere with others going about their daily activities.

VANDAL:  A vandal intentionally damages private and / or public property.  This sort of damage may include things like spray painting, breaking windows, knocking over parking meters, etc.  Often protests have a few vandals in their midst, especially if the protest is being held by liberal-thinking organizations / mobs.  Disposition of vandals: arrest them and take them to trial.  Following the trial the injured parties should take them to civil court to collect damages.

LOOTER:  The typical looter is someone who is taking advantage of a protest or riot or other civil unrest to enrich himself by stealing merchandise.  Often he / she will first vandalize a business or home, breaking in by smashing windows and doors and display cases.  He / she has no interest in the protest or riot, but pretends otherwise as he / she uses them for cover as he / she staggers out of the store under the weight of that new 55" TV or that ATM they just ripped out of the wall.  He / she is just a common thief and a detriment to society.  The proper disposition of looters:  Police should shoot them where they stand, being careful not to hit that 55" TV.  If the police are unable to shoot them all (run out of ammo, for example) the property owners should shoot them.  There would be no daily bag limit on looters, although there would need to be irrefutable proof of looting.  Today's web-linked video security cameras would be one source of such proof.  The savvy business or home owner will have such systems set up and operating, for the same reason the savvy hunter first obtains a hunting license.

There.  Not only has your Ostrich Killer defined terms, he has also provided a bonus: a practical primer to police departments and business owners everywhere.

You're welcome, all of you.  Now my second cup of coffee needs attention.

Another Common-Variety Street Thug Dead

Ho Hum.

Headline news: Police shoot and kill a robbery suspect.  The idiot suspect first assaulted, then escaped briefly, then turned and charged back at the police officer.  The police officer, after suffering a serious eye injury during the assault, shot him.  Reportedly more than a dozen witnesses confirm the injured officer's account of events.

But is that particularly news-worthy?

Frankly, it isn't.  Happens pretty often.  Shot resisting arrest after assaulting a police officer carrying out his duties.  Local news, if that.  

But wait!  The suspect was black.  

So?

The police officer was white.

Oh.  Well that calls for deploying the professional race baiters (you know who they are - Jackson, Sharpton, Farrakhan, Chris Matthews and most of the liberal national media, and our attorney general Eric Holder) and the common-variety wannabe street thugs looking for any excuse to break into stores and steal merchandise and an ATM.  Anyone know how much money is inside an ATM?

I thought police were supposed to shoot looters.  That's the proper disposition of looters.  But I guess they've delegated that responsibility to the store owners. 

But back to the demise of Mr. Michael Brown.  He was eighteen, and aside from his sealed juvenile record, he was arrested last November for armed robbery and assault causing serious physical injury during the robbery.  

Sounds familiar.  Sounds in-character.

Every day blacks die during the commission of a crime.  The vast majority of them die at the hands of other blacks.  According to most recent stats, for every black killed by a white policeman, 60 are killed by other blacks.  Sharpton, Jackson, Farrakhan and Holder and the media are nowhere to be found following those events.  But let a thug die while assaulting a non-black police officer - well, I think you can figure it out.

There's money and political capital to be made by fanning the flames of racial tensions.  

Why is the color of skin so important?  Why couldn't the news headline, run in a local (because the story is not important enough to make the national news) newspaper on the third page, say something like "Robbery Suspect Killed During Assault on Police Officer" and let the matter rest there?  Because all evidence points to that situation being exactly what happened.

What happened to a media that reported the news, instead of inventing it?

I have the hopefully overly cynical suspicion that the media won't be satisfied until they can run a headline that reads something like "Police Officer Who Killed Michael Brown Hunted Down.  He and Family Slain by Black Mob."  Remembering the Tawana Brawley and Zimmerman stories and comparing them to this drags your Ostrich Killer to that cynical suspicion.  The similarities are just too compelling.  Why else publish the officer's name?  Why else publish maps to his home?

A common variety street thug is dead.  That's good for his neighborhood and society in general.  I can't wait for the tox screen to come back on him.  My guess is crank or PCP.  And I can't wait to hear what the professional race-baiters have to say about it then.  My guess is they'll keep their mouths shut.

My guess is also that both Rush and Michael Medved will speak dispassionately and logically on the matter, and be accused of racism by the race-baiters and their butt-kissing swarms of drones.

I need a second cup of coffee.  Your Ostrich Killer out for now.  

Don't Think Your Vote Matters?

Ask The Citizens of Gaza

Many people don't vote.  Their reasons (excuses, actually) vary: 
1. I forgot.
2. Who cares? They're all the same.
3. I don't understand the issues, so I don't want to cancel the vote of someone who does.
4. I would, but why bother? The other side is going to win, according to the pollsters. (Or my side is going to win anyway, according to the pollsters.)
5.  One vote doesn't matter, and besides I have to work.

The list is much longer, but the end result is the same: that person doesn't vote.

A vote matters.

To the non-voters, I say I don't want to hear you bitching about political matters.  You haven't earned the right to complain.

In 2006 the citizens of Gaza elected a slate of Hamas candidates to run their tiny country.  Now, most of the civilized world and even some Arab countries have Hamas at the top of their Terrorist Organizations list, right there with Al Qaeda.

So the citizens voted to be run by a terrorist organization.

Now they are dying - not for the first time - from Israeli artillery and air strikes, retribution brought about because over the years the duly elected Gaza government has fired more than 10,000 rockets into Israel, trying to kill its citizens.  Hamas, a member of the Muslim Brotherhood, has sent kidnap teams into Israel, terror squads into Israel.

And now Hamas is being killed by Israel.  As they die, they hide their rockets and weapons in hospitals and schools and shoot at Israeli from those facilities, hoping that Israel will strike them and kill school children and hospital patients.  Israel does.  The photos show up on their accomplice network, CNN.  Hell, Hamas shoots their own citizens if they dare to object to having rockets launched from their front yard.

Hamas wants as many of their countrymen to die as possible.  A huge pile of children's corpses would be, in their view, a triumph.

While I wonder now how many of the Gaza citizens might have voted differently had they thought more than ten seconds about who Hamas is, I have no sympathy for them.  They elected this government, now they get to reap the whirlwind.  

There are, to your otherwise lovable Ostrich Killer's thinking, no innocent voters just as there are no innocent non-voters.

But these idiots have a way to save themselves: get rid of Hamas.  Seek them out, kill them wherever they are found.  Then hold new elections and see if they can join the community of civilized nations.

Don't think a vote matters?  Many Gaza citizens might now argue with that sort of mindless bullshit thinking.

But wait, some might say.  That's Gaza.  We're Americans.

Yes, we are.  Look who is President.  Look what he is doing.  He is LITERALLY singlehandedly and in direct violation of the Constitution destroying the United States, because that is what he wants to do.  And the majority of the electorate (voters) want him to do that.  Apparently, because they elected him.  Twice.

Makes me wonder about the oft-cited wisdom of the American voter.  There is scant evidence of significant populations of such creatures in our pop-culture saturated society.

A vote matters.  Yours.  Mine.  The neighbor's. Take it seriously, and use your brain instead of your emotions.  Think.

As usual, some of my readers may wonder if I have my facts right.  As usual, they are free to verify them for themselves.  That is what Google is for.

Now, another beer.  Too late for coffee.

World Cup Soccer Rule Changes

It's All About Player Safety

Now that the World Cup is in the quarterfinal stages, it might be time to look at some ways to improve safety for players.

Scarcely a minute goes by without a player falling to the turf clutching at himself, his face twisted into paroxysms of agony at some brutal injury or other.  This sometimes results in a free kick.  Usually that player's insensitive coach will leave the injured player in the game to carry on as best he can.

What other sport allows their players to prance about in beach attire and risk injury like soccer does?  What other sport requires players who've been grievously injured as these players apparently are, to continue playing?  None, that's what.  Not ice hockey.  Not American football, certainly.  

So your Ostrich Killer, in the hopes that his suggestions will save at least one soccer player a serious injury, proposes a few minor changes.

1.  First, there are many violent collisions.  These are dangerous.  Hockey and American football players know this, which is why they wear the equipment they wear.  So soccer players should do the same - a hockey type helmet with a faceplate to reduce the chances of concussion and fingers in the eyes.  Padding about the shoulders and thighs and rib cage and hips would be also be prudent minimums.  For more ideas on player protection, FIFA might consider consulting the Pussification Committee of the NFL.

2.  Some rule changes would help reduce the number of players being so brutally knocked to the ground.  
  A.  A player who does not rejoin play within 10 seconds after hitting the ground for any reason would be required to leave the match.  His team could replace him, but that player will not be allowed back into the match, so that medical staff can have sufficient time to do a thorough exam to determine the extent of his injuries.
  B.  A player receiving a yellow card will be required to leave the match, but can be replaced.  A red carded player will still be required to leave the match without replacement.
  C.  Any team receiving two red cards during a match will forfeit the match and suffer other penalties as the league may deem appropriate.
Again, other rule changes may benefit the players, and the NFL Pussification Committee could be a valuable resource for suggestions.

Yes, it grieves your Ostrich Killer to see the awful mayhem, the agonies so apparent on the faces of the injured, and he hopes that FIFA and other controlling bodies will adopt his modest proposals.  After all, it's for the good of the players.

Coffee calls.

OBAMA'S WARS

BHO WAGES UNRELENTING WARS!

What? Obama?  Wars?  What wars?

Why, his wars on -

jobs.

the Private Sector economy.

Black employment.

food.

Gasoline and personal mobility.

border security.

Plain English.

Veteran's access to the VA health care system.

transparency of IRS targeting of conservatives.

your child's school lunch menu.

the Constitution.

Free Speech.

our personal sense of freedom.

of course.  But you knew about them, right?  And there are many others, some of them documented in this blog's archives.  Browse among them if you're curious.

This president is doing everything in his power to act on his contempt for this country's security, economy, energy, cheap food supply, military, Constitution, privacy, traditions, and our historical way of life in general.  He is an America-hater, a person who thinks America's place as the Golden City in the Sky needs to be downgraded to Slum in the Dump.  He is doing everything he can to bring that about.  His actions are plain and there to see, to anyone who can see that the emperor has no clothing.  He has as his enablers and accomplices many in the liberal establishment in congress, and leading the department of justice.  Prosecuting him for crimes and misdemeanors will be difficult without the help of the department of justice, and you can bet they will not cooperate.

Assembling the Counter-revolutionary Forces

Federal Armies Being Amassed

Recently the Posse Comitatus laws were 'amended' by Congress to allow use of the US Military against the citizens of the United States, within the United States.  Additionally, many federal agencies are arming themselves.  The Department of Homeland Security alone has ordered two billion rounds of small arms ammo, enough for 30 years of a Vietnam-level conflict, and 2,700 mine-resistant armored personnel carriers. 

Should not the informed and engaged citizen do likewise?  Should we not acquire personal firearms and ammo stocks and otherwise prepare to join a new American revolution, should it come?  Wouldn't that be prudent?  Wouldn't that be in the American tradition?

Guns are bad, though.  Right?  Don't you hear that daily from democrats?  From liberals?  From 'progressives?'

It should come as no surprise that most democrats are anti-gun.  Democrats are big government acolytes, and big government requires citizen cooperation or submission, or - gasp - compulsion.  Compelling an armed citizenry is more difficult than compelling a disarmed citizenry.  Duh.

The framers of our Constitution, fresh from shooting tyrants in order to win our freedoms, understood that guns are for shooting tyrants.  That's why they wrote the Second Amendment as they did - to guarantee that future generations of Americans would be able to shoot tyrants again if needed.  The Second Amendment is not about making sure we can shoot Bambi or burglars.  The Second Amendment is what assures that all the other amendments stay in place.

Most democrats want to subjugate the population of this country to government rule.  That's why they are waging wars against anonymity, against personal mobility, against economical food, against energy independence, against the accumulation of wealth, against privacy, and above all against the expression of truth and thoughts.  But to subjugate a large population of armed citizens - well, how to go about it?

They implement the Czechoslovakian model. 

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To summarize the Czechoslovakian mode., you find out where the guns are.  You do that through registration and such seemingly innocuous means as 'background checks' before allowing a purchase, or having your doctor ask your children during a sports physical if there are guns in your house, or having teachers ask the same sorts of questions, etc.  All that info goes into databases.  And our government is nothing if not able to access any databases they like.  That's why they require those questions be asked.

Next, you generate as much anti-gun sentiment as possible.  That's hard to do, except in areas where people don't hunt or sport shoot.  Big cities and their immediate suburbs, in other words.  But those areas are home to close to half of Americans.  The other half have their share of anti-gun thinkers too, although far fewer.  So to generate even more anti-gun sentiment, the democrats fan the flames of fear by leveraging every gun-related event.  They view Columbine and other such tragedies as golden opportunities, getting legislation passed that would have done nothing to prevent such tragedies but 'felt good' and satisfied the idiot citizen's wish that 'somebody do something.'  You can depend on some democrat - always a democrat, by the way - to be the first to propose new legislation following any gun-related tragedy.

Finally, you confiscate.  At first you do this by confiscating weapons from people who commit felonies.  Then you confiscate weapons from people who commit misdemeanors.  Then you confiscate from people whose medical records contain any hint of mental abnormality.  Then you confiscate from people who write blogs like this one.  You boil the confiscation frog slowly and incrementally, lest you alarm the armed populace.  You do it 'for the good of Americans.'  You take generations to do it, and you grease the skids through media and public indoctrination centers, commonly known as 'schools.'  Who needs guns, after all?  We have police to protect us.  So give us your guns and we'll protect you.  We'll protect Bambi and Peter Cottontail too.  You don't want Bambi and Peter Cottontail shot do you?  And your neighbors will feel safer too.

Who will protect us?  Turns out we also have Homeland Security agents with two billion rounds of small arms ammo and 2,700 mine-resistant armored vehicles to protect us from terrorists.  They must know something about terrorists that we don't, to be armed to the teeth like that.  The ammo alone is enough to supply a Vietnam-level war for 30 years.  And we have the USDA armed agents to protect us.  The Post office.  Seldom does a week pass that we don't read of another federal agency arming itself.  Why?  Against who?

Now even the military can be used against American citizens.  However, the military is made up of patriots, and a president attempting to invoke their might against the citizenry may well instead provoke the military into taking action against the government itself as they uphold their oath to protect the Constitution against 'enemies, foreign and domestic.'  In this case the federal government would be the domestic enemy.  So what forces could the federal government use against its citizens?  Homeland Security, The USDA, Post Office, and any number of other federal departments, whose allegiance to their government paycheck is strong and their appreciation for traditional American freedoms weak. 

Obama and the democrats are building an army of federal agents that can be used against its citizens.  They fear that at some point we will start shooting the agents of tyranny, as our founding fathers meant for us to do when necessary.  They want an army they can depend on.

So of course a disarmed citizenry would be helpful.  

Your Ostrich Killer's advice: don't disarm, and don't cooperate with the forces and agencies who would help enable disarming our citizenry.

A second cup of coffee is calling me . . .

Tilting at the Climate Change Windmill

Dr. Strangelove Had it Right

Recently your beloved Ostrich Killer engaged in discussions with several global warming / climate change Chicken Littles.  These people have some things in common, to wit:

1.  Science doesn't matter, anecdotes do.

2.  Science doesn't matter, politics do.

3.  A belief that today's climate is the only correct climate for Earth.

4.  Cost doesn't matter.

Yes, these people are true ostriches when it comes to science.  I call them 'enviro-wackos' and I once wrote a poem about the way they think:

Don't bore me with facts 
I don't want to believe.
When you tell me the truth, 
There's plots up your sleeve.

Earth does have a history and cycles, fellow skeptics.  Looking at the geological record, the Earth has a long and rich history of hundred-million year or so warm cycles interrupted by (relatively) short cooling cycles, during each of which the average global temperature was in the neighborhood of 75 degrees Fahrenheit.  It is currently in the neighborhood of 57 degrees Fahrenheit and on the upswing from a low of about 55 degrees, during which low man sprang forth.  This upswing possibly indicates another warming cycle is starting.  ALL of Earth's warming cycles preceded man's appearance on the planet.  Life thrived during most of those cycles.  Continents broke up, moved, re-formed, broke up again . . . Life went on, evolved, and so did the Earth.

And these Chicken Littles think we can do something, anything to prevent the next warming cycle?  Please!

But why should we prevent it, even if we could?  Would that not be - gasp! - unnatural?

Is it not likely that man will also thrive at 75 degrees?  Are we so fragile and unable to adapt / cope that breaking a sweat will make us extinct?  Or are we merely concerned that our coastal cities will gradually move inland to higher ground over a few dozen / hundred / thousand centuries?

What price are we willing to pay to tilt at the global warming windmill?  To erect a "STOP" sign in front of an approaching avalanche?

Global warming, based on geological history, is cyclical and inevitable.  What difference do a few decades one way or another make when one is talking about a hundred million years?  They're less than a rounding error.  And man's impact on those decades - if any - is so far looking like less than a rounding error on that rounding error.

So I'm all for enjoying life and cheap energy.  Cheap energy allows societal growth for less fortunate nations.  Cheap energy allows for mobility, powers industry,feeds people and enables cultivation of grain so I can enjoy a Buckhorn now and then.  Cheap energy gets me down to my boat and back.  Raise the cost of energy and people die.  Simple as that.  But to an enviro-wacko gaea worshipper, that's okay because humans are a scourge on their holy planet.

What is cheap energy?  The EPA says that, for electrical generation, hydro-electric is cheapest, followed by nuclear, followed by oil / coal.  They don't even rate 'green' (windmills, solar, geothermal, warp drives, etc.) sources of energy, probably because they're off the scale in costs and almost invisible in terms of contribution.  So logically we should dam more rivers, build breeder reactor power plants, and drill baby drill.  Because no matter what we do, the next cycle will come anyway.  So, as Dr. Strangelove would advise, stop worrying and learn to love the climate.