WHY DEVOUT MUSLIMS ARE SO GRUMPY

You've noticed it. They blow up airplanes. The kill thousands. They wage wars on themselves, and aspire to wage wars on the rest of us.

They are a truly grumpy group of people.

And now I know why. Yes, your Ostrich Killer will share that truth with you, my faithful readers, and the rest of the known universe.

First, a quote from none other than Benjamin Franklin: "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Knowing that, can you figure out the rest? Yes? Okay, but I have to explain for those others who aren't as bright as my average readers. So here goes:

The Koran forbids beer or any other alcohol. No exceptions. None.

Now, according to various authorities, there are 1.3 billion Muslims in the world, most of whom either cannot read or are allowed to read ONLY the Koran. Not all of them are devout (meaning not all of them deny themselves a beer now and then,) but many of them are. It is from this devout (non-beer drinking) group that we get the terrorists, the homicide bombers, the ranting lunatics who are always looking for someone else to kill. Clearly, they are not happy people. They are downright grumpy. And what can usually cheer up even the most grumpy of grumps? A chilled liter of beer, or two. It works for me. It works for you. It works for everyone else I know. Why not the followers of Islam?

So your Ostrich Killer has a new recipe for peace in the middle east: millions and millions of cans of beer, dropped out of high-flying airplanes into major cities and other densely populated islamic areas throughout the world.

Yes, one could call this foreign policy the Buy Them a Beer initiative.

Some of you are thinking "This is stupid. It can't be that simple."

Wrong-O! Reflect a moment on history. What civilizations invented numbers? Massive architecture? Huge libraries of knowledge? Yes, that's right: Arabs, mostly Egyptians. Egyptologists tell us that the going rate for a lowly pyramid laborer, back in the days of the Pharaohs, was a gallon of beer a day. Hell, no wonder those pyramids got built! Makes one wonder whether these laborers were really slaves after all. Maybe they just liked beer and volunteered, having little else more interesting to do.

But then along came Mohammed, and the Koran, and the "No Beer and No Fun" rules.

And the world of Islam instantly stopped innovating and inventing, and became stuck in the Bronze age and grew ever more grumpy. And they've been that way ever since. Doubt this? Point to ONE innovation benefiting mankind from followers of Islam in the last 1500 years.

The Beer Initiative. Think it over, then write your congress people. Email the white house. Set up a beer stand outside your local mosque, if you can find one.

THE CUBANIZATION OF EGYPT

Sorry for the invention of that word above, o Faithful Readers. Let your friendly Ostrich Killer define it for you, especially if you're less than, say, 65 years of age: 'Cubanization' refers to what happened in Pre-Castro Cuba, during the time Castro was staging a revolt. In the US during that time, we didn't know what to do: Castro seemed to be a popular revolutionary who offered some promise of a freer Cuba, although we also knew he had 'leftist' leanings. So as a country, our leaders elected the Ostrich approach to dealing with him: we stuck our collective heads in the sand and pretended all was well.

Of course history shows us that it wasn't.

History also shows us that we knew it wouldn't be.

But doing something would have been difficult, so we put our most optimistic faces on and applauded.

Just like we're doing in Egypt.

The outcome is very likely to be an Iran-like Islamic state that hates Western culture and thinks of us as enemies. That may very well spell the end of Israel's peaceful co-existence with Egypt, and will almost surely result in Egypt openly running arms and other supplies into Gaza so that the idiots living there can resume rocketing and otherwise provoking Israel.

So now you know what recent history hints may be the outcome.

Do you think that Barack Hussein Obama knows this? Two possible answers: Yes, he knows, in which case he is on the wrong side. Or No, he is unaware, which makes him ignorant and / or stupid.

You choose.