MULTIPLE RANTS TODAY

SO LET'S GET STARTED

Your Ostrich Killer has too much on his mind today to limit this blog entry to just one topic, so brace yourself.

Topic 1: SHAVING INSANITY

Despite forty or so years of trying, I have never had a good comfortable shave from a steady stream of electric razors.  So some months back your Ostrich Killer, who happens to be a guy, bought a new non-electric razor.  This particular razor was of a major brand and used disposable cartridges that have multiple blades.  Over time, as you would expect, I used up all the blades that came with the razor.  Now, I don't particularly like these multiple-bladed cartridges; they prolong shaving time at least double because every couple strokes I have to clear the gaps between the blades of skin, whiskers, and shaving soap.  This uses more than double the hot water that, say, an old-fashioned double edged razor would use, because clearing the goop out of the cartridges requires blasting them with high pressure water.  Very wasteful and un-green, to say the least.

I could go on about the gripes here, but let's skip that and instead go with me to the store to get a resupply of those cartridges.  Surprise!  Not only did the store no longer carry the replacement cartridges, they also no longer carried the razor.  So I looked for alternatives.  Lo and behold, there was a whole acre of another brand's offerings to select from.  This brand, which advertises often on television and which also has an entire football stadium named after them, would be happy to sell me shaving stuff.  I could buy a new razor and blades.  For the low low price of only $32 for 8 blades (that is not a typo) and a few more bucks for a razor to use them in, I could be on my way to multiple-blade nirvana.

Or so the commercials would lead one to believe.

Being an old fart, I remembered how I began shaving.  No, it was not with freshly broken flint, nor sharpened clamshells.  It was with a so-called 'safety razor' which was named so, I suspect, to assuage the worries of beginners.  These razors use one single blade with two cutting edges.  A beginner couldn't be blamed for worrying that those razor sharp edges would slice them up. 

Yes, that's right.  This is the razor your grandfather and probably your grandmother used.  So I looked around in the store: none.  I decided to get one, so I conducted a hunt.  Turns out I had to send to China (via the Amazon) to get one.  It came quickly, a stainless steel razor complete with a hard-shell carrying case with mirror and ten stainless steel blades, half of which were made in Viet Nam and half of which I think are Chinese, although I can't read the hieroglyphics well enough to be certain.  It cost $12.  I bought a can of Barbasol, which the store still sold, because I used it over forty years ago and liked it then.

With trepidation I installed one of those blades in the razor and shaved, half expecting to nick myself a few times.  After all, those blades are SHARP! But no nicks.  Instead, what I got was the best shave I've had in over forty years in half the time.  The razor rinsed clean instantly.  A hundred (again, NOT a typo) Wilkinson Sword replacement blades costs (via the Amazon again) $19.  For that same $19 I could have bought up to 5 of those other manufacturer's multiple-blade cartridges.  A hundred blades would shave me for two years, even if I shaved every day, which I don't.  And neither do you.  Admit it.

The title of this topic is Shaving Insanity.  The insanity is paying today's IDIOTIC prices for a shaving system that doesn't do the job as well as the much less expensive, 'legacy' (or Classic, if you prefer) system that your Ostrich Killer, your father, and his grandfather used.

Think about what a single shave costs using ANY of today's high-tech systems.  Compare that to what a better shave, taking less time and using far less hot water, costs using a double-edged 'legacy' system.  I did.  Then I switched.

Allow me this disclaimer:  I do not own stock or have any other financial interest in the vendors I mentioned above.  I'm just a consumer, as you are, and passing along a tip.  Take it for what it's worth.

UPDATE: 5 SHAVES LATER
Five shaves later and the blade is still clean and sharp and shaving like the first time.  It should last several shaves more, easily.  So let's do the math.  Let's assume it lasts for a total of 8 shaves.

Shopping online reveals that bought in quantities of 100, one can get these blades or their equivalent for $11.  Long division not being my long suit, nonetheless this isn't hard.  That works out to $0.11 per blade.  If the blade typically is good for 8 shaves, that's less than $0.02 per shave.  Yes, two cents.  If those 8 for $32 blades that are sold today are also good for 8 shaves, doing long division tells us that each shave costs $0.50.  Fifty cents.

You're welcome.  See?  Reading this blog can save you money!  

Topic 2: SUPERBOWL 49 AND THE FALLOUT

In the 2012 NFC divisional round playoffs, the Seahawks were playing the Atlanta Falcons for the opportunity to advance to the NFC championship game.  In the second quarter the Seahawks, trailing at the time, were on the Atlanta 11-yard line.  It was 4th down, one yard to go for a first down.  What would you have done?

Yeah, me too.  I would have kicked the 'gimme' field goal.  Take the 3 points.  Instead, the Seahawks went for it.  They lost a yard.  The Falcons took over the ball on downs.  When the game was over, the Seahawks lost by two points: the final score Atlanta 30, Seattle 28.  That field goal they decided not to take would have given them 3 points.  Everything else being approximately equal, the Seahawks would have won the game and advanced.

Okay.  So one bad play call.  Happens.

Fast forward to Superbowl 49.  You know the play - 2nd down, goal to go from the half-yard line.  Clock stopped with more than 20 seconds to play.  Marshawn has over a hundred yards rushing so far in the game, the Patriot defense is gassed, the Seahawks have the best rushing offense in the NFL, the Patriots the worst defense against the rush in the NFL.  What does Seattle do?

Yep.  You're right.  They pass the ball across the middle.  And you know how that turned out.

Common denominator between the 2012 Divisional playoff game and Superbowl 49's debacle:  staggeringly suspect play calling on a crucial play.  Instead of doing the obvious and something that had a high probability of adding to the score AND minimizing risks, the choices were the opposite.  

Darrell Bevell was the Seahawk's offensive coordinator for both games.  It's his job to make offensive play calls.  Presumably, he did.  And in both these clutch situations, he chose 'cute' instead of 'logical.'

Your Ostrich Killer has written in previous blogs about the cost of attempting 'statement' plays.  These were both statement plays, and statement plays generally do not work out.  They didn't in these two cases.

Everywhere you turn you hear the question "Why not Marshawn?"  Why not give the ball to Marshawn Lynch from the half yard line on second down, against the weakest run defense in the NFL?

I don't know.  It's a complete mystery to me and most others.  Pete Carroll will fall on his sword over the play choice out of loyalty to his offensive coordinator.  He will defend it all day long.  I think he needs to think about his loyalties and possibly adjust them.

The players almost to a man wonder "Why not Marshawn?"  At some point that question is going to fester into an ugly mess and have to be dealt with.  Before that happens, before the players' already eroded faith in their leadership's decision making ability is shaken irreparably, something unequivocal has to take place.

Pete Carroll, bless him, is faithful and supportive to a fault.  But he MUST decide to whom he owes his ultimate support: the questionable play calling coach, or to the 12s.  Because in the end, his support and faith in the questionable play cost the 12s another superbowl championship team.  He HAS to have had deep reservations about the play.  

If I had been drafted to make that play call, it would have been a play action play of some sort, involving Lynch and Wilson, the two best rushers on the team.  I would have done that three times, if necessary.  It was 2nd down, after all, and the Seahawks had a timeout remaining.

Pete Carroll is going to have to deal with the unavoidable loss of confidence that play call has generated, and will continue to generate, especially in the locker room and when thought of in the light of the Atlanta game in the 2012 season's playoffs.

Maybe it's time for a new offensive coordinator, if for no other reason than to show solidarity with the fans, who know perfectly well that the called play was probably the worst possible type of play to call, other than a punt.  And it worked out that way.

Topic 3: MANAGING THE NFL

Here you go, Roger Goodell.  You're the commish.  You run the NFL.  Tough job.  Your Keystone Kops approach to management is proof of this.  However, it could be easier.  Here's how:

1.  Manage organizations, not individuals.  That means you discipline teams, not people.  You investigate teams, not people.  If people / players offend, you punish the team.  Let the team punish the people.

2.  That said, establish minimum behavior standards for people.  If people violate those standards, punish the teams.  If people commit such grievous offenses that they tarnish the NFL image, 'discharge' the offender AND punish the team.

How would that approach apply to, say, deflate gate?  Easy.

1.  The ball(s) were delivered into the Patriot's responsibility after having been tested and certified to meet standards.

2.  The balls failed those standards after being the Patriot's responsibility.

  -- Ergo, the Patriots are responsible for the condition of the balls.  Punish the Patriots.  If the Patriots are interested in finding out who actually 'adjusted' the balls and why, let the Patriots do the investigating.  But as far as the NFL is concerned, this issue is dealt with and closed.

You're welcome, Roger.  LMK when the check is in the mail for my services.