PLANNING ON COLLEGE, YOUNG CONSERVATIVE MAN?
-- A Strategy for Getting Conservatives Plain and Fancy Laid - -
So. You're a fine young male with a conservative viewpoint, trying to decide where to go to college. You've narrowed it down to a half-dozen or so. Being a healthy male, somewhere in your imagination there's this movie running, starring you and one or more College Girls. But which of these colleges are most likely to have compliant and / or predatory College Girls? And how to - well, get to know them?
Your Ostrich Killer will reveal answers to both questions now. Ready? Yeah, you are.
Okay. First, which colleges: Answer: The MOST LIBERAL COLLEGE you can find that supports your chosen field of study. Of the student body, 57% or more will be College Girls.
What? Liberal? But you're of a CONSERVATIVE nature! - - Yes, and therein lies the beauty of making such a choice. Because, you see, liberal College Girls are either lesbians or - you guessed it - liberal. By far mostly liberal. And they outnumber you college boys. They REALLY outnumber conservative college boys, and they probably find liberal college boys boring because they're as stupid as the liberal girls are, and thus present no interesting challenge.
By now you've seen the light. All that remains to be revealed is your strategy. Simple: Make no secret of your conservative views, but also hint that since so many of the students are liberal, you spend much time wondering if your own views need re-thinking. If you're at all attractive those liberal College Girls will line up to take their shot at enlightening you. It's their duty, after all, to be persuasive, and it's your duty to ensure they do their duty. Soon they will be bragging to each other how this one got you to admit (fill in the blanks) or that one got you to change your mind about (fill in the blanks.) Maybe they'll even share among each other how they managed to achieve those successes. Allow them those minuscule faux successes, and make promises to think more about other possible successes, and the line will get longer, more imaginative, and more talented.
Somewhere in here you're going to have to attend class, do homework, and acquire a useful skill or knowledge set along with a degree. So try not to over do it. You will have to make a living someday.
Your Ostrich Killer has herein dispensed advice that somehow your parents forgot to provide. You're welcome. And don't name them after me.
Now, for my second cup of coffee . . .