DREAM POLITICAL CANDIDATE INTERVIEW QUESTION AND ANSWERS

"Mister Candidate, you've repeatedly spoken about your conservative values. You are in a tight race. What special measures are you planning to take to garner more of the traditional liberal voting population, such as blacks and latinos?"

"None. Blacks typically vote over ninety percent for democrats, no matter who they are or what they stand for or what experience they may have or the quality of the conservative opposition. So a dollar of my campaign money spent trying to attract their vote is a dollar wasted. I take a similar position with regard to the latino vote."

"You will make no special effort at all? Isn't that conceding all those votes to your opposition?"

"Look, there is no color or ethnic or religious description of an American, and for good reason: that category includes everyone who is a citizen of this country. To make a special effort to romance votes from this or that sub-group of Americans would be racist, or otherwise discriminatory in that one group or another is receiving special consideration or promises of special favors. My appeal is to all Americans capable of casting a vote. I don't give a damn about skin color or what their ancestors ate. If they are American citizens, my positions on the issues will appeal to them - irrespective of any other factors. Let my opponent make special promises. His party is good at that. Unfortunately, they aren't so good at keeping them. Even the most simple research will bear this out; however, it seems my opponent's constituency is either unwilling or incapable of dispassionate research, or even objective rational thought."

"The latino vote is a little more complicated, sir -"

"Not really. In the latino heritage community in this country, there are either Americans or non-Americans. I don't give a damn about the opinions of non-Americans, those here on legitimate visas or illegally. They cannot legally vote. Of course, my opponent's party will spend vast sums doing what it can to find ways for people in this country illegally to vote for them illegally. We all know this. But I reject that I, or my party, should in some sly way court the illegal vote. My position on illegals is that they are criminals and should be captured, punished, and then deported on tramp steamers, penniless, to the southernmost tip of whatever country they came from. So a message to illegals, latino or any other - I'm not your friend."